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Jennifer Moule - My Blog
Jennifer Moule - My Blog
Spanking & Empathy.
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Today I was discussing spanking with a friend (and not the good kind, either), and I just don't understand, at all, how people could possibly think that it's okay. How can anyone argue FOR the hitting of ANYONE, let alone people who are put in a position that is completely at our mercy. We put ourselves responsible for their protection but spanking is almost like the threat of taking it away. In my opinion, it would mess a person up, thinking that the people you need to trust the most can turn on you by hitting you if you go against their wishes.

Aside from the (in my opinion) obvious hypocrisy in teaching children to make good choices through violence, and the (in my opinion) obvious inspiration for those children to control and intimidate others and solve their problems through violence, I am starting to think that spanking might be a great deterrent to the development of empathy in people. How can we possibly expect children to develop anything but resentment and/or passivity by hitting them for correction? Violence in general fosters hate, anger, and begets either more violence or a victim mentality. If, by spanking children, we are continuing the likelihood of perpetrators and victims of violence, how can there be empathy in the world? How can there be change in the world? Empathy is destroyed by the resentment and change is destroyed not only by the lack of empathy but also by the creation of victims: people who internalize the submission demanded by their parents and therefore and too timid to create change?

The empathy part is so important. Like I said in the previous post, if children can internalize empathy for others they will grow into adults who internalize empathy for others. If most people can feel empathy for one another, that can make great positive change in the world. HUGE. In my last post I suggested that this can be taught to children, but maybe the possibility of empathy education would be blocked by this ignorantly accepted form of childhood behaviour guidance.

In the moment, spanking generates negative feelings towards the spanker; feelings that generally resonate long after the spanking itself has ceased. Often the spanker is the child's parent, and so the child carries an undertone of resentment for and fear from that parent even during childhood. This resentment and especially fear intrude on a child's ease in having TRUST for her or his parent, and if one can't trust a parent in childhood it is so difficult to foster a trusting relationship with anyone else. Additionally, the resulting resentment means carrying negative feelings for those people who are supposed to hold the most intimate relationships and therefore interferes with a child's ability to truly empathize with the parent. Just like trust, if a child has difficult forming a truly positive and empathetic bond with a parent it becomes a mould for future relationships.

What then? In my opinion, if a person has difficulty empathizing with the people around her or him then empathy for strangers is almost impossible. This is the big barrier to true change and freedom from oppression in the world. Walk around hesitantly and resentfully around others and the possibility for empathy is almost impossible.

So I guess my point is this: Even if you feel justified arguing the rightness of hitting ANYONE let alone a child, consider how society in general is affected by a parent's perpetuation of anger, resentment, distrust, and violence. If you're fighting for a more positive and inclusive world then you should be fighting AGAINST spanking.

(And don't even get me started on the basic rights violated along the way.)

August 30, 2009 | 8:31 PM Comments  0 comments

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