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Spanking & Empathy.
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Today I was discussing spanking with a friend (and not the good kind, either), and I just don't understand, at all, how people could possibly think that it's okay. How can anyone argue FOR the hitting of ANYONE, let alone people who are put in a position that is completely at our mercy. We put ourselves responsible for their protection but spanking is almost like the threat of taking it away. In my opinion, it would mess a person up, thinking that the people you need to trust the most can turn on you by hitting you if you go against their wishes.

Aside from the (in my opinion) obvious hypocrisy in teaching children to make good choices through violence, and the (in my opinion) obvious inspiration for those children to control and intimidate others and solve their problems through violence, I am starting to think that spanking might be a great deterrent to the development of empathy in people. How can we possibly expect children to develop anything but resentment and/or passivity by hitting them for correction? Violence in general fosters hate, anger, and begets either more violence or a victim mentality. If, by spanking children, we are continuing the likelihood of perpetrators and victims of violence, how can there be empathy in the world? How can there be change in the world? Empathy is destroyed by the resentment and change is destroyed not only by the lack of empathy but also by the creation of victims: people who internalize the submission demanded by their parents and therefore and too timid to create change?

The empathy part is so important. Like I said in the previous post, if children can internalize empathy for others they will grow into adults who internalize empathy for others. If most people can feel empathy for one another, that can make great positive change in the world. HUGE. In my last post I suggested that this can be taught to children, but maybe the possibility of empathy education would be blocked by this ignorantly accepted form of childhood behaviour guidance.

In the moment, spanking generates negative feelings towards the spanker; feelings that generally resonate long after the spanking itself has ceased. Often the spanker is the child's parent, and so the child carries an undertone of resentment for and fear from that parent even during childhood. This resentment and especially fear intrude on a child's ease in having TRUST for her or his parent, and if one can't trust a parent in childhood it is so difficult to foster a trusting relationship with anyone else. Additionally, the resulting resentment means carrying negative feelings for those people who are supposed to hold the most intimate relationships and therefore interferes with a child's ability to truly empathize with the parent. Just like trust, if a child has difficult forming a truly positive and empathetic bond with a parent it becomes a mould for future relationships.

What then? In my opinion, if a person has difficulty empathizing with the people around her or him then empathy for strangers is almost impossible. This is the big barrier to true change and freedom from oppression in the world. Walk around hesitantly and resentfully around others and the possibility for empathy is almost impossible.

So I guess my point is this: Even if you feel justified arguing the rightness of hitting ANYONE let alone a child, consider how society in general is affected by a parent's perpetuation of anger, resentment, distrust, and violence. If you're fighting for a more positive and inclusive world then you should be fighting AGAINST spanking.

(And don't even get me started on the basic rights violated along the way.)

August 30, 2009 | 8:31 PM Comments  0 comments



The Power of Empathy
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Shout out to Celine Dion. She, like essentially every other musical artist around, sang about love - in this case "The Power of Love". However, "love" can be a tricky word; love can be a place setting for disaster and violence, or a reason for those sickeningly happy couples who feed each other strawberries in public. Overall, though, the meaning behind love, especially romantic love, can be wavering, complicated, and arbitrary. While tons of songs about love aim to melt someone's heart or spell out what's in it, many other love-related songs have a different meaning than the traditional romanticism. Songs like The Black Eyed Peas' "Where is the Love?" and The Beatles' "All You Need is Love" (and many others, mostly from the Hippie era) seem to be talking about something different.

I'm starting to think that the "love" they talk about, is short hand for "empathy".

I think that the reason that so many people call for Love to conquer the hate in this world is because what they really mean is the understanding that comes with (the ideal form of) love. Their vision is that people will "love one another" as themselves (isn't there a Commandment out there about that?) and therefore feel connected to their situation and their suffering. Most of all, in calling for love, they just want people to CARE. The hope is for people to truly and honestly care about other people with whom they have little to no connection other than being a co-member of the human race. They want them to care about those people as if they're a close loved one. They want them to FEEL that suffering and therefore the intensity of their situation. All of that is empathy, and the greatest part about shifting from "love" to "empathy" is that empathy can be LEARNED.

The learning is slowly happening. Happily, I've been able to observe in the Roots of Empathy program, where an ECE partners with an elementary school classroom and a neighbourhood mother and baby. In the program the children get to learn about what it's like to have a small baby and what it's like to BE a small baby. It's a huge step in teaching children to be able to put themselves in the shoes of others, no matter how foreign the situation, and try to understand their experience of the world. It's the drive to TRY that's important, it fosters a truly interested and caring attitude towards that person's life and situation. It's really wicked, to say the least. This is why Early Childhood Education is SO important. It's the difference between simply removing a child who's hurt another or talking to the assailing child and helping her or him understand how the victimized child must feel, so that they start to care to think about it. So that they start to CARE about how the people affected by their actions FEEL. It's vital, and it can all lead to the "Love" the Black Eyed Peas are looking for.

If a whole generation, more or less, can grow up with strong empathy skills, the world can change in leaps and bounds. If the majority people could truly CARE about how their actions affect everyone they encounter and everyone they don't then not only positive actions but the positive energy would be pervasive. Put (very) simply, if people are nice to you - like truly genuinely nice to you 90% of the time - then that just improves your quality of life. The biggest thing is is that there's no real reason that people should NOT be nice to everyone, regardless of closeness. I realize that this is starting to sound like I've overdosed on sunshine and rainbows, but honestly, think about it.

Is it really that much to ask in proposing that people do their best to be genuinely NICE to others? To honestly care about how our actions affect others and the impact of the life situations of other people in the world? Did we not learn these things at a very young age?

Let's just try it for a week, or so, and see what happens. It will not just have a positive impact on lives around you, but it will do wonders for your own happiness in the world :).

August 20, 2009 | 12:50 AM Comments  3 comments

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Scarves and Homelessness
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Caitlin and I, we have decided that we are going to knit scarves like crazy between now and, say, February that we will give out to homeless people in Toronto. It's not a lot but I wanted to be able to give something that showed some compassion for their plight but did not force anything upon them. Also, since we (without our parents' contribution) are students with very little money, we can't really manage to contribute money to as many people as we would hope. Plus maybe a scarf could be more meaningful because it's more long-lasting than money and addresses a basic need: warmth.

I'm really excited to get started. I have been looking for random, small acts to be able to contribute to the community and I think this will be perfect. Tomorrow I get to knitting!

August 17, 2009 | 11:59 PM Comments  1 comments



Me to We: Part II
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

In further reading of the Me to We book, I've decided I need to take action in the best way to which I have access: First Year University Students. The book suggested gathering people in a "Me to We Group" in which people can discuss different courses of action for helping the community in small, medium, and large ways. Thus, that's what I think I'm going to do: I'm going to attempt to gather students in my residence in a Me to We Group to brainstorm ways to help our residence, school, and greater community. I think it'll be perfect... if I can get people to participate.

I have to think of a good way to get people inspired to participate (not just show up via the promise of snacks). So that's the question of the moment: How do you recruit a handful of 18 year old students fresh into university to the kind of group I'd like to start?

August 15, 2009 | 5:09 PM Comments  0 comments



Airborne to Volunteer: Need Testimonies!
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Last night I finally got started on a project that Caitlin, my dad, and I had discussed. The project is intended to petition airlines for their donation of airfare for deserving young people hoping to volunteer in impoverished communities. I like that I can point out that I cannot personally benefit from this project because I fly for free regardless, and so it's clearly not out of self-interest. Maybe, though, that means I'm not as connected to it? I also wish I was concurrently working on something more related to the things about which I'm truly passionate.

I feel a bit hesitant in starting this Airborne to Volunteer project, for several reasons. First of all, I'm not entirely sure the best method to start this up. I feel worried that I won't be given much time of day, and that it will all stay flat. I think this is especially because I don't feel extremely connected to the project - I wish I could draw from personal experience volunteering abroad. I wish I could personally testify to the life-changing experience and benefit to the visited community.

Maybe I will have to find people who have had this experience to be part of the project, and involve their testimonies of volunteering. Anyone available?

August 12, 2009 | 10:57 AM Comments  0 comments



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